Miss Understood

 B– Miss Understood

    The Bluetooth Sony speaker, with the rave lights flashing red and amber to the guitar-pumping beat of Joan Jett growling “Bad Reputation” on a Saturday, bounced off the walls well past the time I typically fall asleep binge watching reruns of a sitcom from the 1990s. Inspiration came from short videos of women adding whimsy and color to their own homes so I stood on a stool painting the walls of my laundry room. It’s more of a closet, really, but I never had a separate room or closet for my washer and dryer before I bought my house so I prefer to call it a room. Especially after the makeover I gave it with burgundy colored paint. Yes, burgundy. I had removed all the clutter, rolls of paper towels, poorly folded blankets, bottles of cleaning supplies, rags and more. The space, with its two bifold paneled doors had become a catch all for clutter. Unopened mail, unfinished to-do lists, business cards I never refer to–out of sight, out of mind. 

    Most of the inspiring videos had used songs sung by Stevie Nicks, an icon of strength and trailblazer for women who dared to break into the all boys club of the rock music industry of the 1970s. The lyrics in the song “Rhiannon” tell a story of an untamed White Witch in control of her own destiny–

She is like a cat in the dark and then she is to darkness
she rules her life like a fine skylark and when the sky is starless
She rules her life like a bird in flight

    She refuses to be held down or dominated. A concept that goes against the typical portrayal of women as objects of desire or heartbreak in classic rock songs. She is not passive. She is not a victim of her gender. A perfect choice for the videos made by women to inspire women to embrace who they are meant to be and to live in a world they create for themselves without making excuses for going against tradition.

***

    When paying for the paint at the check stand the older man assisting me asked, “What ya paintin’?” I said, “My laundry closet. I'm goin' bold with burgundy, and since it’s a closet, if I don’t like it I can just… In unison we both said, “just close the door.” We laughed together. His laugh was like dragging the butter knife across burnt toast, like burnt can be made unburnt. His accent had a slow drawl like maple syrup . He put in the mind of the Blues singer Buddy Guy. I should have told him so. If all interactions at store check outs were like this, I’d never self check again.

***

    At home, I opened the paint can brimming with dark burgundy liquid and poured some into the tray. It was such a stark contrast to the white I was covering. As if still talking myself into it I thought, if I don’t like it, it’s just a laundry closet. I loaded the roller and spread the first streak of burgundy across the wall. It started even then thinned out as the roller spread the paint. The thinner streaks looked like blackberry jam spread on toast. I thought of when I painted all of the walls of my house white when I bought it nearly six years ago. How keeping things neutral in your decor increases the resale value of your house. The videos of other women using color and whimsy to decorate their homes made me realize, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life living in a house that I may someday break up with. We are in it for the long haul.

The blackberry jam looked yummy as Joan Jett sang,

I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation
Living in the past, it's a new generation
A girl can do what she wants to do and that's what I'm gonna do

    This was just one song of 52 on my playlist I entitled Miss Understood. Songs like "All I Really Want" by Alanis Morrissette, (My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It)" by En Vogue, and  "Girls Can't Play Guitar" by Bones UK. (Spoiler alert, oh yes, yes they can!)

    The clutter closet became a burgundy room rich with meaningful accoutrements.  A China serving bowl hand painted with burgundy peonies my Grandmother rescued from their house in Kansas as they fled the 1940s flood of the bread basket of America. Two Parisian tapestry pillows with a design of old world maps made by my mother who, by example, empowered her three daughters to live a life without compromising their values. Three golden owl figurines that once belonged to my mother-in-law, who lived independently for 11 years in a cabin on a mountain in Cascade until she died at the age of 89. And, a few pieces from a complete set of fine China, never used by a great aunt who lived alone, simply existing, never living a self-actualized life. Just to name a few. Now, in the morning when I drink my coffee, I admire the burgundy berry walls wondering how these ancestors, role models for strength, independence, and one reminder of lost chances, will inspire me next.

    Who could predict that this new awakening in my life would be when my former spouse would have a stroke? Although he does need me to help with a few things like driving until cleared and keeping appointments straight, he is incredibly lucky in so many, many ways. I hope this occurrence in his life serves as his own inspiring video reminding him of the brevity of life. Although there is much, more to the story, I will just leave it at that while I continue to create spaces in my home that bring me joy.

And if it's bad, don't let it get you down you can take it
And if it hurts, don't let them see you cry you can make it
Hold your head up, woman (by Argent, 1972)