It's A Joke!

 B Funny! Even if you're the only one laughing.

My dry execution of one-liners wrapped in sarcastic self-judgment delivered at the wrong time has earned me more than a few obvious mental eye rolls. I’m like an upbeat Eeyore without the self-loathing, more positive than pessimistic and joking most of the time. My witticisms can be as dry as the Sonoran Desert with the landing falling just as flat. Reassuring someone that “It was a joke,” or worse yet, trying to explain where my mind is coming from becomes a joke. And not the funny kind. The moment has passed and all that remains is their scrutiny of my twisted thoughts causing me to wish I had kept them to myself. My life as an extroverted/introverted: laugh at my joke/don’t judge me!

The struggle is real.

Humor can serve as impenetrable armor or expose your deepest vulnerabilities. Just as the knight in a jousting challenge, unkinghted people look for the chinks in your psyche that jokes will sometimes expose. When you are wearing armor, you are ready for the battle. Some people are too tired from being buried under their own bullshit to shovel yours or they are not emotionally strong enough to pick up the lance and join the battle of wits.

Me. I‘m the court jester. Awkwardly dancing a mental jig to circus music only I can hear, playing keep away with the lance to provide comic relief for an otherwise grizzly scene. You may ask, how far is too far? I usually find out after I trip on my tongue and fall face first into donkey shit, thinking, “This lance weighs a ton and where is that shovel? Eyes will roll! Oh well, “No matter.”